It's Official, TWINS!!!!!!!!!!

So my instinct was right it is twins!!!! Hubby and  I are so happy with this news.  The scan was a bit of a let down.  I was under the impression that we would get to hear the heartbeats.  The doctor said it was too early for that.  I know a heartbeat can be heard at 8 weeks by ultrasound and even earlier by vaginal ultrasound.  I had a vaginal one done so I know it could have been done.  Anyway I didn't like this particular doctor, it was my first time seeing her.  My clinic does musical doctors so you never know who you will see.  It just so happened all of my other appointments I ended up with the head guy there who I really like.  I am guessing they don't have the proper equipment to hear the heartbeats.  In any case we did get to see the two little hearts beating away.  So amazing, their little chests were fluttering so fast.

She did measurements and said they were on target but again she didn't say what they were.  Now me being active in pregnancy forms have heard that most others get measurements that work out to weeks and days that they are at.  Goal would be that both are measuring at 8 weeks 0 days but who knows what they were.  So overall not what I was expecting but I blame the doctor she didn't seem knowledgable. Thankfully she wasn't a part of my treatment.

So now I am done at that clinic and now being referred to an OBGYN at my local children's/maternity hospital.  Both of my cousins went to this doctor and swear by her. She also has experience with multiples which is great.  Next scan will be in three to five weeks, this is an important one where they do a nuchal translucency measurement and an integrated maternal serum test.  It calculates the chances of several chromosome problems.  Only one hospital in my province does this scan and it is only offered to women over 35 or high risk pregnancies.  I fall into both categories so yeah me!  Good news is that this also means that I get more ultrasounds as well.  This is great more opportunities to see the little beans.

Here is a picture from my ultrasound.  Not much to see yet as the babies are only the size of raspberries.  But you can see the two sacs.

The babies are developing a lot this week.  Their brains are developing rapidly, a tiny nose and mouth are more prominent.  And of course all this development is making me feel blah again.  I was feeling so good all weekend that I actually stopped my pink ladies for a day..... BIG mistake!! Felt bad the whole next day, so back on the ladies but still not feeling fantastic.  Good thing is that I have yet to toss my cookies so I can deal with this if this is the extent of what I will be feeling.  My main issue is that I don't feel hungry and although food tastes the same as before I just don't get the satisfaction from it.  It's great for me to lose a bit of weight, which I need to do.  As long as I am getting my three meals in and they are healthy everything should be good with the babies.  Here is what the babies look like today:

Looking more like a baby, right?!  I think so.  It's hard to believe they look like that and are only the size of raspberries.  Such an amazing process.

Sweet Little Blueberries

Seven weeks and counting, feeling much better this week. (Thanks pink ladies) Babies are now the size of blueberries.

Two more days until our first ultrasound.  This is when we will find out if it is one or two babies and we will get to hear the heartbeat(s).  Praying that everything is developing at the rate it should be and that we have a healthy baby or babies.

Here is what the babies look like at week 7.  Ear bubs are beginning to form, although hearing won't start for several weeks.  Hands and feet are starting to sprout from the body.  The babies are still less then 1/2 inch long.

Sweet Little Peas

Another week down, wasn't a great week.  I suffered from the wonderful All Day Sickness. I struggled to eat all week and lost 5lbs because I couldn't eat.  I found myself feeling really run down as well, even going to bed early didn't make me feel well rested.   Finally I heard form a girl at work about pink ladies, a pill for pregnancy nausea.  Woo Hoo! Got my pills on Thursday and today after sleeping 17 hours straight I am feeling an appetite again.  Thank you Pink Ladies!

Today the babies are the size of sweet peas.

Here is what our embryo should look like at week 6.  More features are developing and the babies lungs are developing and their hearts are beating approximately 100bp minute.

Only a week and a half to go before we get to hear our babies heart beats and get confirmation of how many are growing away in there.

Beta and Appleseed(s)

So it is official, we're PREGNANT!  Beta came back Wednesday as 4675!  That's a great number for 21 days past ovulation.  According to Betabase, an online database where people record their betas for pregnancies, it would be in the top 10%  for highest results for a singleton pregnancy. Now that makes me wonder if both embryo's may have taken. For twin pregnancies my beta would in the top 50%.   So either we have one strong baby or two that are right on track.

Our first ultrasound is on September 5th and that is when we will know if it is one or two and get to hear the heartbeat(s).  I am super excited for this day.

For now our I will refer to them as babies, as I feel deep down that we are having twins. As of today they are the size of appleseeds.

They are starting to develop from that embryo state that looks like cells to itty bitty little tadpoles.

Their hearts are developing and beginning to beat.  At this stage the hearbeat could only be heard by an internal ultrasound.  Within a couple weeks they can be heard by external ultrasound and a few weeks later by a Doppler.

So far everything has been pretty good.  I am leaning that some of the foods that I love aren't agreeing with the babies.  Yesterday I had my first bout with nausea while eating my favorite Friday lunch special the Mediterranean Plate.  It came out almost faster then it went in (Sorry TMI).  In any case I am through with it for now.  After much rest I awoke this morning feeling good.

4 Weeks

I know I'm being cray, cray but it makes me happy to see a positive result each morning. Beta is still 6 days away.  Here is my test from August 7th:

And my one from August 8th:

Each are three days after the others of the same kind, as you can see they are darker so that's a good sign.  It means my HCG (The pregnancy hormone) is rising.  

So as of Wednesday I am 4 weeks pregnant.  My baby is the size of a poppyseed.  I know that sounds small but two weeks ago the blastocysts were microscopic.  Today the placenta is beginning to form as well as the amniotic sac.    

So far I am feeling good.  My stomach feels tight like I've been doing sit-ups.   My appetite comes and goes.  No nausea yet, praying for that to stay away. 

Still Testing

Well I need to find a way to pass the time until my real pregnancy test so I am still testing away.

This test is from Sunday August 5th, 2012.  Positive Clear Blue Easy Test.

This is from this morning.  Another Clear Blue easy this time digital.  This is accurate since this brand bases the number on conception date.  The doctors go from the date of the start of your last menstrual.  So that means as of today I am 3 weeks and 5 days pregnant.

So far I am feeling good.  I'm not really hungry and after I eat I feel some twinges.  I'm trying my best to eat regularly and healthy.  Which means more milk, fruit and vegetables and less bad stuff.

5DP5DT = BFP!

Today is 5 days past my 5 day transfer and a home pregnancy test is making me see double:

I know it is still faint but it is also very early.  Still 11 days until a doctor will confirm but I am feeling positive.  


From Wednesday on I was hoping to feel something, I know I'm crazy but I just wanted to feel something different.  I tested every day since then.  Wednesday, BFN! (Big Fat Negative) Thursday, BFN, but about 30 minutes later I thought I saw a faint line.  However that disappeared leaving me thinking I was crazy.  That same day I felt different, I know my mind could be playing tricks on me but I believe it was telling me I was pregnant.  So Friday I was expecting to see a positive result... BFN! Again a line appeared after and it was darker then the day before but again it faded and left only a verrrrrry faint line.  But my body was telling me something different and I knew it would change soon.

The tests I was using were cheapy internet ones that will detect pregnancy at later time then some of the store ones.  I planned on waiting till tomorrow to do a store one but couldn't resist today.  And whamo! BFP!!!

Embryo Transfer - Two Week Wait

So it is official I am Pregnant Until Proven Otherwise (PUPO).  Two Embryo's transferred both Blasts.  Here is a picture:

The Larger one is a full blast and the smaller one is an early blast.  It was crazy to see the size difference.  Overall the process was easy, 15 minutes and you are done.  The worst part of it was that you need a full bladder for it.  Mine was ready to explode and the doctor was 10 minutes late to make it worse.  I was so scared I wouldn't be able to hold it especially since the nurse was pressing down on my stomach doing an ultrasound.  I made it, phew! Ran for the bathroom without even resting for a few minutes.  Let's hope they didn't fall out during my mad dash. LOL!

So now is the dreaded Two Week Wait (TWW) well actually 16 days for my Beta test.  However I can test at home prior to that and I should be able to get a result one way or another.  I'm torn as to when to start testing.  I know of people that got positive readings as early as three days.  Most not until 6 plus days.  I being a bit cray cray bought 20 test strips online for this TWW.  They only cost $15 verses paying double for two from the pharmacy.  So I can test rotten without it costing me.  But do I want the stress of not knowing is there a line or no line.  Am I too early, or is it negative.  Let's face it I have 20 tests I'm going to test.

Oh and my third embryo didn't make it. :(

Day Four Update

Well again she really pressed the calling by noon to it's limits and in turn had me at my maximum stressing point but the news was good.  All three embryos have progressed since yesterday.  One is beginning to turn into a blast, one is a morula and the last one is 12 cells.   Apparently the 12 cell is the lowest amount of cells you can have and still be considered a morula.  A morula is a ball of cells.  So at this point my guess is that we may achieve two blasts by tomorrow morning and transfer them both. Our transfer is scheduled for 10 am.  The procedure is simple and only takes a few minutes.  The thing that sucks is that you need a full bladder, so I anticipate it to be uncomfortable.  But not as bad as the retrieval.  I'm praying that the doctor accepts that I want two put back in and allows me to have the best two.  Fingers Crossed!

Day 3 Update

Our three embryo's are still doing great!! All three have progressed to 8 cells and are rated 19/20.  We discussed the potential option of transferring that day (3 Day Transfer) but given that all three are still progressing I decided to stick with the day 5 transfer.  It was tough deciding but at this point we don't know if any are stronger then the others and it would be hard to choose.  By going to day 5 we hope to have at least one develop into a blast.  We aren't expecting to get any frosties out of this at this point, so our best options it to ensure a blast is transferred.  Or what would be fantastic is if two blasts can be transferred and we do get one frostie.

This whole process has been an eye opener for me.  I now realize that given my age this may be my one and only chance so having twins come out of this would be ideal.  If we are successful I can't wait long before we try for our second child.  If we aren't successful then we need to start immediately following the mandatory three month wait.

This 5 day period beyond the egg retrieval is the most stressful.  I stare at my phone all morning waiting for a call from the embryologist and start freaking out when they are delayed.  It is so hard not to stress, my stomach is a ball of knots.  On another note all of my discomfort from the ER has passed.  The transfer is supposed to be painless so it should be clear sailing from now on.

Transfer is going to be tomorrow!! I can not believe it is finally almost here.  Sadly still waiting for my day 4 update.  Hopefully I will have more great news to share shortly.

Day Two Update

Good news again today our embryo's are still progressing.  For day 2 you want them to be 2-4 cells, all three of ours are 4 cells and are rated as 19 out of 20.  By tomorrow they should be 6-8 cells, ideally 8 cells.  So at this point a 5 day transfer is still looking good.  The embryologist will call tomorrow morning with another update.  Fingers crossed that our three little embries continue to grow.

Egg Retrieval

Well my egg retrieval was yesterday morning.  It took more time to get prepped then it did to actually retrieve the eggs.  Going into this I knew that I don't have many follicles, but I still hoped that by some miracle they would get more eggs.  Unfortunately that didn't happen, we only got 4 eggs.  I have to say that the process was more painful then expected.  I don't believe that the medications worked on me at all.  Afterwards you are left feeling like someone kicked you several times in the gut.

I was pretty depressed all day yesterday, worried that we won't have any eggs progress.  I think what is making me so stressed is knowing from my fertility forms how many eggs the average people get and how so many don't progress.  It's not uncommon for someone to go from 30 eggs to only having less then 10 embryos.  I'm just hoping to have two survive at this point.  I know it isn't realistic to hope for something to freeze.

So today I got my fertilization report, three fertilized.  I'm happy with this as I know it could have been worse.  Praying for a good update again tomorrow.  Come on embries grow, grow, grow.

 

Trigger Tonight!!!

Good news today I am finally ready to take my HCG trigger shot!!! My egg retrieval is scheduled for Wednesday morning.  My scan this morning showed 5-6 good follicles, praying they all have eggs in them.  So once my eggs are retrieved they will be placed into a dish in an incubator, a couple hours later my husbands sperm will be injected into the dish.  There are two methods for IVF the other includes injecting the sperm directly into the eggs.  As our issue is low count this is not necessary so we only need the sperm injected into the dish.  By Wednesday afternoon we should know how many eggs have fertilized.  From there we will get daily updates on how our embryos are developing.  Each day the cells should divide and by day 5 we are hoping for 6 to 8 cell embryos.  Our goal is to have two placed back in and a couple to freeze.  The likelihood is that we won't have anything to freeze given my low reserve of eggs.

So this time next week I should be PUPO (Pregnant Until Proven Otherwise).  We return 16 days later to have my beta checked to see if the process was successful.  I won't be able to wait that long so I intend on testing on my own home pregnancy tests.

Praying for More Follicles

Okay so today's scan showed that only three follicles are around the size they need to be for IVF.  My estrogen has increased again but they still need it to be higher.  So two more days of the increased meds and hopefully Monday will bring on good news.  I'm feeling kind of down about my lack of follicles.  I know that more doesn't necessarily mean that they will be better but I'm scared I won't have enough.  At this point I would be happy if we could get two perfect blasts to transfer.  Ideally it would be nice to have a few embryo's to freeze given my age and fear that baby #2 will be harder due to increased age.  If I could have a couple to freeze now essentially they would be  a backup plan if a fresh cycle doesn't work next time.  I know that I should just focus on getting baby #1 but I know I also want two.

I believe with all of my heart that I am meant to be a mommy.  I can't accept that it may not be meant to be.  This is what keeps me positive through all of this.  

And so Continues the Meds

So I went in again this morning and had another scan and blood tests.  My Estrogen has improved but it is still behind where they want it so now I am taking 4 vials of Bravelle and 2 vials of Menopur.  My cysts are still wrecking havoc in my ovaries, my right basically had nothing worth extracting at this point.  It was made painfully clear to me today and I mean that literally.  In order for the nurse to get measurements she had to twist and push at my ovary and uterus, it fricken hurt like hell. I just have to keep reminding myself that this will all be worth it in the end.   

Meds, Meds, and more Meds

I went in yesterday for my first check up since starting the stimulation medications.  My estrogen wasn't where they wanted it to be so more meds for me!  Next check up is Thursday and I am praying that the increase in meds get me to where I need to be.  I'm also praying that my egg retrieval happens on Monday like I expected it would.  I know it's silly but I have calculated everything out and if all goes off on schedule my due date would be April 14.  I've grown attached to that date already so I hope there isn't a delay.  It's been so long that I have been dreaming of this and now that I am finally on the right path I just want everything to be perfect.   

Day 2 and 3 of Stimulation Drugs

I wish I could say the injections are getting easier.  Last night I had a bubble stuck at the top of the syringe but there was some of the meds already up into the needle part.  So that meant that I couldn't just push the air out without losing some of the medication.  So I just decided to inject it as is.... Never again!!!!! It hurt like hell when the bubble passed through.  I was nauseous for hours, probably because my husband lectured me on how I could die if that went into a vein.  In any case I won't do that again.  Tonight I made an effort not to have a repeat performance of last night but of course something new happened.  When I injected the needle blood squirted out and a red line went up my stomach.  It looks like I scratched myself with the needle.  Of course it hurt too.  All just a small price to pay if this works out.  At least I'm not nauseous again tonight.

Start of Stimulation Drugs

So last night was my first injection experience, it was kind of stressful!  It was actually much harder then I thought mixing all those vials.  First I watched the video that came with my meds, which made it look easy.  When it came time to do it myself it was much harder.  I took the 1 ml of solution and put it into the first vial of Bravelle and swirled it around, that wasn't so bad.  What sucked was going from vial to vial, little amounts kept leaking out.  It really stressed me out because I kept thinking this may not work now if I keep losing some of the meds.  In the end I probably only had 3/4 of the original amount. The injection part wasn't bad at all.  Let's just hope that I got enough of the meds and that I don't have a repeat performance tonight. 

So here is my daily medications that I am on.  I take 5 pills a day, 4 vials injected, and 3 doses of nasal spray.  So far my only side effects have been headaches.  Eleven more days of this and hopefully I will have my eggs retrieved. 

Down Regulation Check

Today way my down regulation check, and I am happy to say my results were where they needed them to be so I get to start the stimulation drugs tomorrow!!  My day started at 4:30am, ARGH! I set my alarm for 5am but I couldn't sleep too excited for my day to begin.  My clinic does scans and blood collection starting at 7:30am on a first come first serve basis.  Given that I work at 8:30 I needed to get there early, which I did and that made me first.  I have about 8 follicles in one ovary and it was hard to see how many in the other because another cyst has appeared making it hard to see.  Luckily this one can be drained if necessary.  My next appointment is on Monday to see how I have progressed on the stimulation drugs.

Injection Class

So as part of the IVF process you need to go to a class that teaches you how to administer the injection drugs.  The nurse told me that I should expect to be there for two hours..... WTF?! I figured it would be 10-15 minutes.  There is a lot more that goes into it then just drawing up the meds and injecting them.  I assumed that the Menopur and Bravelle were liquid but actually they are powder.  I need to draw up one ml of saline and mix it with 1 vial of Menopur then draw that up and mix it with the second vial, and then do the same with the two Bravelle vials.  In the end that one ml of saline contains all four vials of powder.  The needle hurt but I can deal.  In total it should be approximately 12 days of injections.  Up to this point I haven`t felt any different and time is starting to drag.  Only a couple more days until my down reg check and then I`m sure things will start to feel like I`m started.

Week One of Medication

I'm at my halfway mark to my down regulation check, so far I'm feeling virtually no side effects from the medications.  It's kind of crazy on how fast time seems to be going now after waiting so long to get started.  To pass the time I have been spending time reading many blogs and IVF forms.  So this is what has led me to start my own blog.  I have come to really appreciate those people that have taken the time to write about their journey's with trying to conceive and having a baby.  I have never known anyone that has gone through IVF before so reading the IVF forms has been such a learning experience for me.  I want to always remember this journey so this seems like a great way to do so.

My Protocol

So here is my Schedule:

June 26, 2012 - Start Suprefact Nasal Spray 5 time daily one squirt in each nostril.  Suprefact is used to shut off or turn down your own hormone production in your pituitary gland and prevent you from ovulating too early.  This continues for approximately 15 days before I go for my down regulation check to see if the Suprefact has done it's job.  Also start one a day aspirin.

July 11, 2012 - Down Regulation Check.  


July 12, 2012 - Start stimulation meds (Menopur and Bravelle) if down regulation has occurred.  Continue Suprefact three times daily, and continue one a day aspirin.  My protocol is two vials of each Menopur and Bravelle.  I was happy to learn that it would be combined into one shot daily taken at bed time.


July 13, 2012 - Start antibiotics for both myself and my husband.


July 16, 2012 - Blood Tests and Ultrasound to see how the meds are working.  The doctor will review my progress and reassess my meds at this time.


From this point on it is the same process every 1-2 days, bloods and ultra sound.  Once we have a good amount of follicles and they reach desired size we do a HCG trigger.  Stop the Suprefact, Menopur and Bravelle.  

Egg Retrieval would be approximately July 20-23.  My clinic does 5 day transfers so July 25-28 would be the transfer.

Then Starts the wait, 16 days for the first beta test to determine if I am pregnant.

How We Got to Where We Are.

As long as I can remember I have always dreamed of being a mom.  I can remember being 14 years old and planing my life.  I had it all down, graduate high school at 18, graduate university at 22, work for two years and get married in that two years and then at the age of 24 have my first baby.  The year would have been 2000, and at the age of 14 I thought that would be cool.  As I grew older and smarter I realized that my goals were a bit too ambitious.  After multiple failed relationships I threw myself into my career.  The next thing I know I'm in my 30's, still single, working 70 hour weeks, and still no baby.  My career had brought me 2000 kms from home, working in a big city and commuting most of my day. Nothing was going as I had planned so I made the big move back home.  Sold my condo moved in with my parents while I house hunted and luckily I was able to transfer with my job.  So now I'm home again, still working more then ever but I'm happier.  I think for the first time in years I felt open to finding love and settling down.

It didn't take long to get my life back on that track I planned when I was 14 years old,  I met my now husband at my new work location and within a few months we were dating.  I decided to buy into a new executive townhouse development and 10 months later when the house was ready we moved in together.  Neither of us really dreamed of getting married although we both wanted to be married.  We figured eventually we would elope Vegas style, which we did a couple years later.  We decided to start trying to conceive about 10 months after moving in.  At first that just meant me coming off the pill.  We figured that would do it...... Nope!  And then came the ovulation tests, surely that would do it..... Nope!  After many discussions with my doctor and following her instructions month after month I started to realize there must be a problem.  I could count on one hand the amount of times I have been sick in my life so I just always assumed getting pregnant would be easy for me.  My doctor sent me for tests and instructed my husband get tested by his doctor.  Mine came back fine, he delayed in getting his done.  And then all of the sudden I lost my job.

I had given 12 years of my life to that company and now here I am jobless.  I was more panicked about the fact that we were trying to have a baby then I was about the fact that I lost my job.  All I could think about was that I was 34 years old and my time clock was ticking.  After many tears I finally got myself together and pounded the internet pavement.  It took several months to get a new job and when I finally did it came with a one year probation period, Doh!  Again my baby making plans need to wait, I couldn't bear the thought of walking into my new bosses office and saying I'm pregnant before I became permanent.

So nine months pass, my husband finally goes for his tests and we start trying again.  His doctor says his are normal too.  I convince myself that our past failure was from the stress of my old job, and now I am beyond happy in my new job and working half as many hours.  Surely we will have success now.... Nope!  I return to my doctor and tell her that we have never stopped trying, a little white lie as I know she won't refer me to a fertility clinic unless we have been trying over a year.  She refers me immediately to the one and only assisted reproductive therapies (ART) clinic in my province. Luckily I was able to get an appointment about a month later.

Going to my appointment I expected they would say our issue was unknown infertility and prescribe some sort of fertility drugs for me.  Instead I was hit in the face with a brick wall, figuratively speaking.  She sits down and say "So you have a male factor problem" What?! She said it like I should have known that already.  I responded by saying not that I was aware of, my husbands test came back normal.  She hesitates opens my file and says "No I am looking at the correct file these aren't normal"  WTF! Okay so now what???  "Your best option is IVF" she says and hands me a package.  What?! This is not what I expected, I thought she'd give me some chlomid and in a month I'd be pregnant.  The meeting was short and to the point she left and here I was sitting with a package.  I was so blown away that I just left and returned to work.  After a few hours of letting it sink in I decided I need to know what the next step is.  So I call the clinic and ask.  They tell me to attend their IVF information session.

Really for me there wasn't a question as to whether we would do IVF it was how soon can we start.  So began the testing, and more testing, and further testing.  Everything came back good until my hysterosonogram.  They find cysts in both of my ovaries, not on them in them.  Bam! Another brick wall in the face.  They said I needed an MRI so they could get a better picture of what they were seeing.  And of course months go by and I wait and wait for my MRI.  As I watched each month pass that I could have been starting my heart would break.  Finally my day comes which happens to be day 20 of my cycle.  I call my clinic and ask if my results are good could I start the next day as it is my day 21 and that's when the meds start in an IVF cycle.  "Sure" the nurse says!! And I am on cloud 9, nervous but excited.  I go to the MRI ask the technician how fast he can send the results and he say they are immediate on the hospital system that is visible by most clinics.  Woo Hoo!!! I jump in my car drive to my clinic.

They did get my results and as expected I have dermoid cysts in my ovaries, two on one side and one on the other.  I'm worried as the doctor, a older man , takes his sweet time reading them to me.  In my head I'm screaming "JUST TELL ME"  He indicates that surgery would be an option, if they were any bigger it wouldn't be but that mine I could decide to wait and do it later or do it now.  He goes on to say there would be risks either way.  Surgery, I could lose my ovaries.  No surgery, I may have problems producing enough eggs and they may have issues retrieving them.  So it wasn't a decision for me at all, No Surgery!  Can I get started now???? Please!!!! He hesitates and says yes, finally my journey has begun!!!